Be a fighter
If you would have told me in 2012 that in 2017 I would have 4 children! I would cry those really really ugly tears! Like when a Miss America is named and the girl doesn’t think she ever really had a shot at the title and all her poise, and perfectly placed mascara melts off her face! Mostly because I am a fighter! And if you read nothing more in this post about how I overcame infertility, I want you to know that the family of YOUR dreams is available to you! You may have to get creative in making it happen (i.e. adoption etc) but don’t let anyone ever tell you that all you need to do is “stop trying!” because that is Bull S*%t!
Let me back up! (and settle down.. hehe) In 2006 my husband and I got married at a sweet little church, it was a great ceremony and reception. Shortly after, we bought a home, and shortly after that, we had our first child (in 2009). Life was perfect! Everything was falling into place. We had great careers, we had a sweet baby girl, a beautiful home. We had it all!
A little context
If you are married, you know that not long after you get married, everyone asks you… “so when are you going to start a family?” Well, when you have one child… before you can even celebrate that kids first birthday… even strangers will start asking “so when is the next one coming?” Well lucky for the strangers I had a plan. And the plan was to have baby number two exactly two years after baby number one, so they would be two years apart just like my sister and I were.
Well the golden month arrived and we began “trying” for a second baby, I fully anticipated getting pregnant right away because I got pregnant right away with my first child. Well, WE DIDN’T! We tried for about 8 months.. then reached out for help. First I thought my husband was the culprit. I made him get checked and his doctor literally raved about his little swimmers… more than necessary (can you sense my jealousy) and immediately my heart sank, and I realized the problem might be me.
I was the problem!
As it turns out, it was me! I was diagnosed with PCOS or Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Which in short means, I had a ton of cysts all over my ovaries. Then with a bit of further prodding from my doctors, I learned that I also had endometriosis. The combination together lead to my 4 year long battle with infertility. Now if you have never battled infertility, you wouldn’ understand that word choice “battle” or how very long 4 years is… to be involved in such a “battle” but if you have tried for a baby and failed even once you completely understand the anticipation, the pain, and the disappointment someone would experience every time that test only has one line instead of two.
Treatments we tried
I feel like we did it all… Clomid, HCG shots, progesterone, metformin…. I had a hysterosalpingogram, which was awful… they put die in your uterus to see if your tubes are plugged… and lucky me.. my left one was plugged! That procedure was soo painful. YUCK!!
My hysterosalpingogram, lead to two, more invasive surgeries, the first was to analyze and remove (as much as possible) my endometriosis scars. Doctors were predicting that my endometriosis was negatively affecting my fertility and the idea was that if they went in they would clear up all the bad stuff and viola! we would get pregnant!
Well, they went, and found my endometriosis was way worse than they originally thought.. and the first words I remembered after coming out of surgery were.. “it’s worse than we thought… we have to do it again!” Talk about depressing news!
How I copped!
I definitely saw a shrink in between surgeries, as I couldn’t stop crying… I felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant! And as a terrible consolation prize… all my doctor’s appointments were at some sort of fertility office filled with women with gorgeous pregnant bellies! I felt embarrassed… and insufficient as a women! One piece of advice I would share with you that my shrink shared with me was a strategy she called “stop thought” … a simple yet powerful strategy! Basically … when you think something bad… tell you brain to STOP IT! It takes a lot practice, but it really helped me get through my infertility.
Another way that I survived this trying time was to share my story! Did you know that 1 in 8 women suffer from infertility! That means you are not alone, and although your girlfriends are NOT talking about it, some are definitely going through it!
So anyway… on the 2nd surgery, they removed my left fallopian tube, and my appendix because both were covered in endometriosis, my intestines were also covered but removing your intestines is a bit more complicated so they left them alone. The doctorstold me if I didn’t get pregnant in 6 months, it probably wasn’t going to happen. Six months passed.. and it didn’t happen!
So I fought!
But … I told you I am a fighter and I wanted at least two children, so immediately I looked into adopting! I prayed a lot! A LOT! about that decision, and it’s not one I regret, I love my son so much and I can’t imagine life without him! People say that it is common for people to get pregnant after they adopt, and I would argue that the odds don’t’ really improve. I haveseveral friends who adopted and never got pregnant. But the cool thing about adoption is that everyone who adopted is now called “mom” 🙂
Adoption was the first time we beat infertility! If you think you can’t afford to adopt look into “fost-adopt” which is where you adopt a child out of foster care. Children in foster care are as adoptable, and loveable as any child, even though the perception, is that the most desirable children are from private or foreign adoptions! Fost-adopt programs will often reimburse you for adoption costs as opposed to private adoptions that have little to no financial supports.
this is a photo of my little guy’s birth/adoption announcement 🙂
So back to the ugly tears
To be honest… my endometriosis didn’t magically get better! In fact the odds of me getting pregnant got worse when the doctors removed one of my fallopian tubes, but I just tried (through the tears) to stay positive. I was building the family of my dreams, and I had to find peace with the idea that I may not be pregnant again. But I didn’t stop trying! I don’t know how to want something… and stop trying… it just isn’t in me! And maybe that is a fault of mine! BUT… as my southern baptist preacher friends would say… BUT GOD! God had other plans! And shortly after the finalization of my son’s adoption, a miracle happened we GOT PREGNANT! Not once.. BUT twice!!! the first in 2014 then again in 2016!
Sometimes Right now… as I think about it, I still cry UGLY tears! As I think about the deep pain I felt when we were trying!! Infertility is literally the toughest thing I have ever gone through, and I have gone through a lot…one day we can talk about it! but… BUT GOD! through God’s grace!!… I am able to share my testimony about how we beat infertility! Through much prayer and perseverance! Not once but three times!! 
