Let’s talk about (Marital) SEX

A few nights ago my husband and I went to a Salt N Peppa concert! And the song “Let’s Talk About Sex” came on, and it was so weird singing it as a married adult!

I mean in my youth, talking about sex felt a little bit exciting and a little bit naughty all at the same time. Now as a married person, it was interesting to me how different that chorus sounded.

First, let me say! Husbands… this post isn’t for you! Especially if you are going to get your feelings hurt. This is a post to support you and your needs, but I am keeping it real for all my ladies and chances are your wife feels many of the same things I feel. So if you are still reading buckle up!

Secondly for the wives! If you are not being intentional about your sex life, you are not doing anyone a favor. And trust me I am preaching this to myself just as I am typing. First! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE TOO TIRED! Always! So just get over that! When we were first married my husband and I would stay up all night chatting and “hanging out.” And now girl!…. I am so ALL about that one-minute man! LOL But here is the deal! Men have definitely have different wiring then we do, they need sex biologically, physically and emotionally. Much more than we do. (Well, Then most of us do! Forgive me for over generalizing here. I do realize that there are a handful of women who have a much stronger libido then their husband’s and if that is the case for you, this isn’t necessarily the blog post for you! 🙂 But please tell me if this is you in the comments! 🙂 ).

For the rest of us! I do have a few tips to help you be intentional about investing in your sexual relationships with your husband.

1. Think of sex as marriage insurance. This is so bad, but girl… I never ever ever want to give my husband the slightest reason to have wandering eyes. So keeping him happy at home is part of my investment to … KEEP him at home! And I like to think of insurance as something you need in case you get into trouble. And if you can have an intimate connection with your husband regularly it’s easier to stay connected and resolve issues outside of the bedroom. Don’t believe me? Argue about the grass when you haven’t had sex in a long time… suddenly the grass is a SUPER big deal! LOL! Last point for this section…. You need insurance when something goes wrong, it’s like back up for an injury or damage. Same thing for sex… if you don’t have that type of intimacy in your marriage, there is less to support you when something goes wrong or is damaged. I think you get it!

2. Invest in your self. My husband and I have our best sex, when I feel sexy! It doesn’t really matter how sexy he tells me I am. If I am not feeling confident and secure with myself, our intimacy is boring and forced. This is especially hard form me after I have had a baby.

When I am feeling extra insecure, I buy lingerie that I think is sexy, or invest a bit more in myself at the gym, or… I just slap a spray tan on my winter white skin LOL… I am a better wife and intimacy partner when I am feeling good about me!

3. Don’t use sex as punishment. Your husband is never going to be perfect! (Neither are you 🙂 ) And he is always going to forget to take out the trash, and forget to pick up the kids from school! JK But really… If you remember that sex is an investment tool in the health of your marriage, then you will treat it just like that.

4. Pray for your intimate relationship with your husband. Often we women come with a lot of baggage! The word of God says, bring ALL things to Christ through prayer! And I do! I pray for the sexual relationship between me and my husband every day! I pray my mental baggage doesn’t hinder our relationship, I pray for my libido, I pray that I forgive him for whatever silly thing he did that is not making me not want to have sex with him. I pray for all that and more! EVERY day!

I tried to keep this super high level because I know some of you blushed at the idea of a blog post about sex! I do have way more advice in this category LOL! If you want to read more let me know in the comments 🙂

xo

Chantea

Check out my 30 day sex challenge here, or my “Turn up the heat” post here