When I was a little girl… I always dreamed of marrying a firefighter and being a fire wife! They are strong… and always handsome!!! And boy did I hit the lottery with this guy. Back then I had no idea that being married to a man who is heroic and could be on the cover of a magazine would definitely have its challenges.
If you are the spouse of a first responder please know you are not alone, and that you are brave and incredible. I salute you today! And wanted to encourage you with these tips. Some of these things I am great at… some I am not. Enjoy!
Did you know that today is “Patriot Day?” It’s the official day of remembrance for September 11, 2001. It’s our modern-day Pearl Harbor Day because for many of us it’s the first time we can really recall a day that reminds us that around the world there are many different viewpoints. And often we as humans punctuate our difference in inhuman ways.
Tip 1- Honor him
I hypothesize because I haven’t asked my husband this, that one of the hardest things about being a married firefighter is the dichotomy of home life and work life. At work, he is a hero, and a champion and at home. He is the guy who is putting his sweaty gym clothes on our couch.
I try hard to honor my husband in the same way he is honored at work so that when he is home he understands is as important to me and our family as he is to our community. This is something I need to work on more.
Tip 2- Have grace
I don’t even know a quarter of the horrors my husband sees at work. And to be honest I don’t want to know. But every now and then I see a glimpse of what is left from the tragedy he faced the shift before. I see it in the way he is short with the kids when they don’t look both ways when they cross the street. Or the way, he is extra particular about car seat installation.
Sometimes I wonder why he is so firm with these things and many things, and then I remember that this is how he continues to be a hero in our own home.
Tip 3- Allow silence to be Golden
The hardest part of being a fire wife is the silence that follows an extra hard shift. I don’t know what happened, but I know it was rough. I try to allow him the solitude to process the tragedies of the victories. I don’t rush him to talk about the shifts before or try to help him work through this silence. But I do allow him to talk to his buddies and spend late afternoons on the phone with other first responders.
I don’t think his silence is a punishment toward me, but I do try hard to understand that the load is heavy. And sometimes “silence is golden”
Tip 4- Visit the Station
I have to be honest it’s super hard for me to visit the fire station with all four kids in tow. I especially hate it when the station is far from my home, or when he forgot his wildland gear and I have to make an involuntary trip. But then when I see his face, and how proud he is of the work he does day in and day out. And how nice it must be to see stability and peace in a world that must, at times, be chaos and crazy….. I drag my butt to the fire station!
Tip 5- Hold down the fort
I joked with a contractor last weekend, that fire wives, and first responder wives should also get the meal discount when we go out to eat. “We are the ones holding down the fort!” Having four small children and a husband who is gone several days at a time being a hero, is exhausting! But I am grateful for the opportunity to hold down the fort so that our hero can save the world!
Cheers to all the wives and families out there lucky enough to love a first responder!
Xo
Chantea
This was great reading. Love the message.